Do You Do Yoga?

Ever since I can remember, there has been a sound track playing to my life. Songs have gotten stuck in my mind since I was a child. I usually wake up to one without even realizing it. Sometimes, the songs are persistent and stay in my head for days at a time. Since I have started studying chanting in my yoga training, I have has similar experiences with prayers, chants and mantra as well, though songs seem more popular to the jukebox that is my mind.

In the past four days “Vincent” by Don Mclean has been going non-stop. Fortunately, I have a very patient partner because I often sing along to the songs in my mind. Unfortunately, I only know a handful of words to the song “Starry, Starry Night. Paint your palette blue and green…..(la, la, la) …Now I understand, what you tried to say to me. How you suffered for your sanity….(la, la, la)…” The “la, la, la”s are mine, of course. I break out into these few words every once in a while before I even realize I am siging.

I like to think that some deeper part of me understands why particular songs pop up, and that I am not, in fact, a human radio antenna picking up local stations - though that would be cool. Last night, as I lie in bed a bit Vata deranged from a long drive and an empty stomach, I decided to see if this song could help me reflect on any part of my life. This is the best I could find:

I have been trying to use astronomical imagery in my practice lately, but I have hit a stumbling bock. The block became apparent during the last training when Gary used the word “infinity” during one of our meditation practices. He had used other words in that practice, and when he said them, my mind created an image of sensation and I could focus on it. When I heard “Infinity” it was rather jolting! It felt as though a switch to my analytical mind had been flipped and the conversation began - “What does he mean by ‘infinity’? The Universe is infinite, but what does that mean? If I lived on the 2-dimensional serface of a balloon, it would seem infinite, but it actually isn’t! blah, blah, blah..” I was, eventually, able to stop myself and decide to just grab the mathematical symbol of infinity and use that to hold my attention. It served it’s purpose of holding my attention, but the symbol seemed much less powerful than other symbols because if I tried to integrate meaning with it, the analytical mind would switch back on.

I have had similar experiences when trying to use the moon or any celestial image. Since these concepts have a literal, scientific meaning for me they trigger a particular part of my mind. So, what does good ol’ Vincent Van Gough and “Starry Night” have to do with that? Well, I can hold a image of the sky as abstracted in “Starry night” in my mind rather easily (as I learned last night while not sleeping), and it is a pleasant image to hold. Perhaps I have been too literal with astronomical imagery. I think that if I can come up with an abstraction of the astronomical themes I would like to work with, I could use them. If I were a better visual artist, I would try to create these images on a canvas, but I’ll have to stick with my mind for the time being.

I’ll give this approach a try in the next few months and see what bubbles up. I’ll have to spend some time developing the abstraction of the objects, but that should be fun…..

I had a lesson in aparigraha today! aparigraha is one of the Yamas, and Yama is one of the eight limbs of the path to Yoga listed in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali (Sutra II-28 lists the eight limbs, and Sutra II-30 lists the Yamas for those interested).

Yama is your attitude toward others, and aparigraha means non-grasping. So, what was my lesson, you ask? Last night was Christmas Eve, and I am at my in-laws home in Germany. As per the German ritual, there was a great deal of chocolate flowing freely. This morning, I woke up with a chocolate hangover! I haven’t been drinking alcohol in the past few months because of a vow I made, but I had forgotten that too much chocolate leaves me feeling just as terrible the next day!

It’s good to get a reminder what thoughtless excess can do to my well being. I tried starting the day with a practice, and I only got as far as lying on my back and taking some deep breaths! (the deep breaths helped, I must admit). I am voluntarily taking a fast from chocolate today. I managed a very sensible lunch so far today. The need to grasp for too much food faded quickly after last night!

We will finish the teacher training tomorrow - it has been a very quick 2 weeks filled with intense work. Actually, it’s been almost three years since I started the training, and it has all been amazing. The end of the day will conclude with a commencement ceremony so really it is just the beginning for all of us. The day will be shrouded in ritual from start to finish, so it will be like a day submerged in the sacred.

The thought of reintegrating back into normal life is starting to pop up. Going back to work on Monday seems like an impossibility from this mental space. This work truly feels like the most important work to me in so many ways. I feel it most deeply when I am working with the people in this training. It will be difficult to step back. I will try not to annoy my loved ones too much by talking about it constantly when I return - though I suspect I may fail at that.

I feel so quiet on the inside at the moment. A TV was on in the Cafe last night, and I joined a few of the other students to watch and episode of “The Office.” I could only take it for a few minutes. I couldn’t capture me so I left to talk more with some of the people away from the noise. I love when I am in the mental space where TV annoys me. It means that some good stuff is happening on the inside.

“A master in the art of living draws no sharp distinction between his work and play; his labor and leisure; his mind and his body; his education and his recreation. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence through whatever he is doing, and leaves others to determine whether he is working or playing. To himself, he always appears to be doing both.”
Francois-Rene Chateaubriand.

I am back in Austin, TX finishing up my teaching certification with the American Viniyoga Institute. It has been a long journey since I first started the training in 2005. The knowledge that I will be periodically returning to the training (and the Sangha)has helped keep my practice strong, but now it is coming time to move on.

I am still learning so much from the training, and I look forward to taking it all back home and integrating it into my life. Something I have realized in this training is that my Yoga practice is my life, and my life is my practice. Since discovering the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, I have come to realize that every waking moment is an opportunity to explore my mind and find more clarity. The relationships are the best mirrors for looking more closely at myself, and I have been blessed with many wonderful mirrors.

I think from this particular training, aside from receiving some great meditation tools, I have also realized the importance of having periodic retreats (ie. Yoga Camp). I will need to begin incorporating this into my life beyond the training. The perspective gained with time away in nature is invaluable. Perhaps retreats with specific meditation themes would be even more powerful …… food for thought.

Tomorrow is a big day for the training because I get to lead a practice on vinyasa flow (an asana practice where many of the postures are linked together). I am looking forward to it even though my teaching will be evaluated in the process, not to mention that most of my ’students’ are more experienced than me. I can’t say that I feel nervous though. One of the intentions of the practice is to illustrate that vinyasa flow can be done without including one ‘downward facing dog’ - that’s a shout out to all the viniyoga teachers out there!

I am trying out a new practice these days, and I thought I would share. I am working with Bandhas, and so I have developed a practice to prepare my body and mind.

Bandhas are exercises involving ‘locking’ certain parts of the body, and the locks have effects on the physiology and esoteric anatomy. I am working with Jalandhara bandha, Uddiyana bandha, and mula bandha. Jalandhara bandha involves bringing the chin toward the throat and essentially axially extending the cervical spine. Uddiyana bandha is basically an extension of exhale (is performed during the suspension of the breath after exhale) and it involves pulling the abdomen up and back, creating a cavity below the ribs. Mula bandha is then engaged (with everything pulled up from uddiyana bandha engaged) with contracting the muscles around the perineum. Uddiyana bandha is released before the inhale begins again, but the other two can remain engaged throughout the breath.

I am still rather inexperienced with the bandhas, but I always enjoy working with them! There are very few asana in which one can engage the bandhas, but there are a few that can help one begin to build an awareness of the muscles needed to engage them. I have worked with preparing for the bandhas in all of these postures except for headstand and shoulder stand. In my most recent practice, I am working with these two postures and attempting to slightly engage the bandhas. this required me to retain and suspend the breath for several seconds (I used 6 seconds) while holding the postures.

In short, having such a focused breath ratio and mental effort of the bandhas while holding headstand is awesome! I do not recommend it for anyone who has not worked a lot with headstand and breath adaptation in asana. I expected it to be very strong, and I was very cautious. However, I found a very deep ease with the posture and the breath work (always a good sign). I went it fully prepared to come out of the posture if I found myself struggling, but for the four breaths I held it, it was wonderful. I engaged the bandhas as best I could, but I could not deeply engage uddiyana bandha and I didn’t push - gravity helped with what I did engage. Shoulder stand was more challenging because of the difference in the position of the body, but also peaceful.

I’m glad I challenged myself with this new practice. I am still refining the details, but it will be a keeper.

I don’t usually ask my blogging ‘audience’ for feedback, but I’d like to hear some thoughts on this from my MANY readers (I suspect there are five).

I have been reading some articles lately (because they keep popping up in internet news) on about how Sudoku can help brain functions and potentially help fight off brain deteriorating diseases. This could be a great exercise to strengthen the manomaya level of the esoteric anatomy. According to my teacher, there is a five-layer (panćamaya) model of the body, and in my practice, I am learning to develop different tools to strengthen all five aspects. The layers are Ana-maya (food body), Prana-maya (energetic body), Mano-maya (mind body), Vigñana-maya (the personality or character) and Ananda-maya (unending joy). For those of you who know me, I am all about the manomaya when the other components are in line- perhaps a bit to much! This cuold be why I am attracted to the game just like I am attracted to chanting (the traditional tool for training the manomaya)

So, could it be that Sudoku is actually the kind of activity that actually helps organize my mind? If it is, why does it make me so spacey? Perhaps it has less to do with the game and more to do with moderation. Maybe five hours of Sudoku on a trans-Atlantic is just too much. (I know - duh!)

Any thoughts?

It has been a very busy week of trans-Atlantic travel. On the way across the Atlantic this time I took my book of Sudoku puzzles that I always have for trips. I worked on some puzzles for a while and then put it away after a while. While sitting on the plane with nothing else to do, my mind began to relax and wander. In this state, I came up with a few ideas on some projects I have been working on. I wrote them down so I wouldn’t forget, and then I picked up Sudoku again. As I began to play, I noticed that it felt like my mind immediately shut down.

This got me to thinking. If I am working so hard to cultivate attention in my yoga practice, why do I turn to a game that makes me tune out? I notice that I find it pretty addictive as well (I love puzzles), which is probably a larger part of the appeal. It seemed like something that is in contradiction to most other parts of my practice.

So, I decided to say goodbye to Sudoku. On my return journey (that ended up lasting two days due to a canceled flight), I was Sudoku-free! As if on cue, the Universe jumped up to test my resolve :-). It always seems to do that. On the nine hour flight today my video monitor did not work, I had no book because I had recently finished one, my Ipod battery was empty, and I had no Sudoku. Basically, all of my distractions were taken from me! As a result, I actually made some progress on a book I have been working on. I had been avoiding it lately, and with some forced time to think, I got through a block I was having!

I love that making a conscious choice to avoid distraction brought me the opportunity to further develop myself! Now THAT is some serious Yoga.

As part of my training, I am studying the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. A discussion about an idea in the Sutras came up recently when one of the other students in the training sent this great parable to me:

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

So what does this have to do with the Sutras? Sutras II-33, “Vitarkabadhane pratipaksabhavanam”, which translate to, basically “When there is clouded thinking, reframing the way you look at a situation may help to produce clarity.”

In the wonderful parable, the coffee doesn’t simply respond to the water, it alters the water itself. If I am the coffee grounds going into the struggle of boiling water, as time progressed, and I am sitting in the boiling water, the situation would be changing. Because of my actions, as a coffee bean (releasing the chemicals to merge with the water), the boiling water is reshaped into boiling coffee - for all of you coffee drinkers, you know that is a much better situation than boiling water.

According to my teacher, you are not who you think you are when afflicted thoughts arise. In the case of the coffee beans, they went into the water thinking they were beans, when, in fact, they were the impetus for a great cup of coffee. If it wasn’t for going into the boiling water, their true purpose would not have been realized. I like this parable because the coffee beans also left their imprint when turning something harsh into something great. That, and I like coffee

Don’t get me started on the perspective of the water in this story…

Thanks to my teachers, I have learned a great deal about listening to my body. My Yoga Asana and Pranayama have become wonderful tools in communicating with my body. Since I got back from Athens, I have been really run down. I rested for a few days but was still feeling fatigued. Yesterday, I did a nice long practice intended to probe my body and see what’s what.

My breath wasn’t constricted, always a good sign. My fatigue has more to do with lack of endurance than lack of strength. My body was not liking the twists (which it typically adores), but it LOVED the forward folds. I felt a bit shaky after the practice but I think that was due to the fact that it was the most physical effort I had done since coming down with this bug.

Here’s the thing, now that I know my body is irritated with twists, but needs some forward folds, what do I do with that information? it is a question that comes up again and again for me. Maybe it’s just an indication that I need more training or guidance on the more subtle levels of this work. As my knowledge stands, can just observe and write a note in my journal to save for a later date. If I ever do learn what was up with my body, I may be able to use the information in the future. At this rate, I’ll need several life times to figure it all out - maybe that’s where the idea of reincarnation came from, a frustrated yogi.